Reflections: My First Job as a Dentist

Who would’ve thought I’d get my first job just 1 month after returning to the Philippines? Who knew I’d work with patients again after 3 years of handling simulation models? Who knew I’d enjoy work despite the anxieties of incompetence?

God has blessed me and proved Himself faithful yet again. The cares of this world may choke the joy out of God’s promises, but if I strive to learn from Him, I will find that He is gentle and humble to teach me. I need not worry about stability, money and success. I have all that I need in Christ.

I prayed for 3 specific things I want in a job:

1. Good mentorship
2. Good environment
3. Good relationships
   *Bonus: a monthly salary of at least 15k php

I wanted a job where I could learn side by side with the Dentist, be free to ask questions; a clinic that I could easily commute to, that is clean and well organized; and staff that have good, healthy relationships with one another. And guess what? I’ve got all three answered, and more! The head dentist was even willing to adjust my schedule in case I want to pursue further studies.

Working as a health care professional is a life long journey of learning and practicing.

I can’t lie, I was so, so, SO anxious in the first two days. My confidence as a dental professional was very low. I fear to appear incompetent and possibly commit a mistake that may cause the patient to get angry or dissatisfied. My head hurt from all the thinking and the pressure to review everything so I could be ready was overpowering. But I couldn’t possibly be ready in one night. Working as a health care professional is a life long journey of learning and practicing.

Life.

Long.

I began to understand why it was called Dental “practice” even when you’re already a Dentist.

They say, “Hey, where do you plan to start your dental PRACTICE?” or “how’s your PRACTICE doing?”

I mean, isn’t it weird? You have a patient’s life in your hands and you’re still just “practicing”? But it’s true. Do not be fooled though, this practice is not without thorough studying and prior training. It’s not a 6 year course for nothing. And yet, it never fails to be nerve wracking when you’ve got a complicated case and you’re itching to review everything in front of the patient- but you do it in secret because you must maintain their trust so everything could go smoothly for the both of you.

Anyway, back to the new job, thank goodness my first patient was just a cleaning. It really boosted my confidence to be able to do a simple procedure well and send off a satisfied client. Then to finish my working hours and get a first hold on my commission, it was so surreal! How did this just happen… dental school, graduation, the board exam? It all feels like yesterday.

But I’m here now.

I’ve finished all my dental requirements, I graduated from CEU, Manila, passed the board exam and got a job. All by God’s wonderful grace. (No, I did not get my pencil sharpened by a board passer, break my pencil, kick my chair or wear red underwear to the exam). I didn’t have to and I didn’t believe in it. I had faith in God, so luck is out of the picture.

Truly, He gave me peace to go through it all. He never failed. He sustained me… that’s how I got this far.

Whenever I get anxious, I remember how in dental school, I was always so stressed and easily burdened. I slept late hours out of fear because I didn’t want to get things wrong. I would get 2-3 hours of sleep everyday, 5 is my maximum. I would procrastinate out of stress and avoidance, and then cram my studies. I couldn’t eat well because I was always in such a hurry. As a Christian, it was devastating to represent my life with God in that way. But my weakness drove me to my knees. I was closest to God in my toughest times. Truly, He gave me peace to go through it all. He never failed. He sustained me… that’s how I got this far.

So if I was able to go through dental school and the board exam despite all my anxious thoughts- then I could most probably thrive in my new job without the anxious thoughts. Anxiety had nothing to do with my successes. It was what I choice to do with it. I used my anxiety as a motivation for me to draw near to the Lord, my Source of hope and strength. He is my success and my portion. I will not be driven by this rat race of a world, I will be driven by His Spirit.

Grace and peace,

Mary Dannelle

I’ve never praised God like this until now (then something happened.)

7:59AM

Perhaps I do not remember but my praise to the Lord is different this morning. I woke up the earliest I could which was 7:30am. I have a lot to do today but the Lord gave me joy to enjoy the time I have allotted for him. I can’t believe that in less than 30 mins, I was able to have a good stretch and praise the Lord singing “Everything that has breath” by Hillsong and I still have 30mins to read His word!

As I sang, I was dancing quite funnily. My whole body felt awkward but I just enjoyed dancing and moving my body for the Lord. I couldn’t think of any specific blessings to praise the Lord for, I just know there are many and that He is so good! I was teary eyed as I danced like a groovy old woman. It was so funny! I laughed with the Lord. I was so happy! Thank you Lord for this joy!

Despite my failed grades for pre-boards, despite missing an exam- God sustained me to give all my anxieties and worries to Him. Today as I opened the Bible randomly in Psalms so I could praise the Lord, I read Psalm 147 and it said in v11 “The Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.” AMEN!

Yes, I’ve made mistakes. But whatever happens, the Lord will let use it for good. He will never let me slip or fall from his hands. Everything has a purpose, even the bad, and I will praise the Lord and extol His name!

Mary, this is what it feels like to be filled in the Spirit:

• When you get irritated, you pause, resist your initial emotions, ask God for help and YIELD to him. (P.R.A.Y acronym)
• When you are offended, you do not assume or judge immediately, you try to think of ways to understand the person.
• When you are anxious, you remind yourself who the Lord is.. and you will be filled with peace because of the faith and hope you have in Him!
• On a mundane day, you will have joy simply because God is good. You won’t be afraid to dance and sing because you woke up early in the morning and no one is awake yet. Just you and the Lord.
• You can dance all weird and lip sync with earphones on, and praise the Lord!
• You will not worry about time because God will take the best you can give, he is merciful and patient to those whose hearts are set on him. Praise the Lord!
• And, you are excited to read his word, to talk to him, to praise him, to share about him, to obey and follow him.

Thank you Lord!

But the joy didn’t last long…

Mary at 4/24/21 1:44 PM
A stressful thing just happened. Kulang dent materials ko. D ako makakapag-CPE next week. I forced myself to practice with what I have. Save up using 1 casting wax, the bigger sprue wax… it was a disaster! I found myself getting discouraged more and more. My face was heating up.

Mom found out and got stressed. I should’ve listened to them and asked for help in buying materials. I did it all on my own, nagtipid ako, and I didn’t give them a chance to help me search dental materials here (since we’re abroad but my school is in our home country), which led to this moment. Na-disappoint si mommy sakin.

I was so stressed and sad. I had to keep myself from getting angry. I P.R.A.Yed using the acronym my Ninang shared. I paused, resisted my emotions, asked the Lord for help and endured in yielding to the Holy spirit. Because of that, God gave me patience and understanding towards my mommy and humbled my heart to say sorry. Mommy was stressed. Daddy had to go back to the pastoral house to repeat a recording that brought him quite late the last time. And then mommy found out I couldn’t go on with my clinical requirements because I had incomplete things.

I was ashamed, sad and frustrated. I was anxious about the thoughts of other people towards me, how kuripot, indecisive and stupid I had been. I was sad because I sought a hug from someone important, but she was avoidant, only giving a forced, stiff, half-hug. I cried to the Lord. I told him all that was in my heart. I apologized to Him as well. I had been so stubborn. But the Lord showed me his unfailing love and patience, how he is slow to anger. I only need to humble myself to Him and repent. How gracious is he!

I wrote down my hurts and feelings, and the things I feel God calls me to do. Then I stood up and apologized to mommy. I will do all that I need and can do, one step at a time by God’s grace. Amen.

The joy was cut short in the morning, but when I persevered in the Lord, clung on to Him and surrendered to the Holy Spirit, my joy was restored!

Not everything is as it should be yet. I’m still kinda stressed. But I find peace, knowing that the Lord’s got my back and He will guide me as I cling on to Him.

I forced myself to practice with what I had (since my materials were lacking). It didn’t turn out well apparently.

Fighting! Grace & peace,

Mary on the road to DMD.

hey Doctor crybaby!

I cried this morning. Why? Simply because my mom reminded me that I shouldn’t act like a child anymore. She said it in a gentle voice, but it affected me quite a bit. I remember, as a kid, I was told off as immature. Even kids my age would say I act like a child.

I could never forget that old classmate of mine, let’s call her Nicky. I still remember how she leaned on the stairway railings, her hands dangling as she looked down on me with a stern face, “ang immature mo” (you’re so immature), she scolded.

Time has passed and I’m on my way to becoming a Dentist. The worry of struggling to gain my family, relatives, and church mates’ trust and respect never fails to cross my mind. To them, I’m still a crybaby. A child.

Will I ever learn how to act professionally? Will I ever be as sophisticated as Doc Rose is, or any other Doctor for that matter?

Dad gave me a warm hug, “you’re okay, Darling. You’re at home, it’s okay to act that way. It’s a good thing you have your mommy to remind you to be mature. Let this be your practice.”, he said in a gentle and calm voice. Oh daddy, what can I do without you?

Yes, I struggle with my emotions at times. I get sensitive about a lot of things. Little problems, small moments of joy make me cry. I love acting like a child to my family, snuggling up to them like a little baby. I love baby talking and playing and staying in awe at the littlest of things, as if I were seeing them for the first time!

I’ll be a Doctor someday, and a professional at that! I’ll learn to be mature. I have people around me who are stern yet loving. They gently correct me when I make mistakes, and even if it weren’t gentle, I know they say it out of love.

I’ll take their corrections. I might cry, but I’ll suck it up knowing that I’ll grow from it. Call me a crybaby,

…

You’re right hahaha!

Listen to advice and accept discipline,

and at the end you will be counted among the wise.

Proverbs 19:20

i contacted a guidance counselor

You know when you’re utterly desperate for answers, you go through every contact you’ve got for it? or is it just me? Probably.

I’m going to be open… my mental health? Not so pretty. But I’ve got really supportive people around me, ones filled with love and wisdom. Most of all, I’ve got God who guides my thoughts. I want to go crazy so I’d have an excuse for all my emotional outbursts, but I find that I am still sane. I find that I still have means of self-control.

So I’ve asked guidance from a counselor in my school. What did I expect? the common, secular advice. Love yourself first blah blah. And basically, that’s what I got. Isn’t that what many people say anyway?

In my mind, well, how do I do that? how do you balance loving yourself and loving others? What does the bible have to say about loving yourself?

The advice on “loving yourself” is just too… vague. How do you love yourself? ‘Cause I know that there are those who love themselves and put themselves first, and come off as selfish and self-absorbed.

I understand that one must know how to value and take care of themselves. It’s the same when an emergency crash landing happens on an airplane, and people are advised to put on the oxygen masks on themselves first before helping their children or others.

But there’s just something off and lacking with the advice, “love yourself first”. Don’t you think? Or do I just not understand? Is it hard for me to comprehend because I do not love myself? (but I already love myself too much!)

Then again, maybe I haven’t gotten the solution I need because I’m too skeptical of the advices given to me. So I decided to give the counselor a chance.

“and how do I do that po?” I asked her, in reply to her “love yourself first” advice.

She replied, “Listen to your heart. What does it need? Listen to your mind, how can you have peace of mind?”

That’s exactly why I came to you for help! My thoughts exclaimed.

“That’s why I came here po… because my mind is clouded with what I should do. My heart doesn’t always know what is right. If my heart was selfish and unconcerned, I would just do what I think is best for myself, and not for the other person.”

“Moment of silence will help you understand what you are going through. Let go of whatever you are feeling right now… It’s one way of healing your inner wounds.”

Okay… okay. I’ll take her advice. I don’t think it’s the best advice for a person who struggles with a clouded mind and finds it hard to control their thoughts. But for me? perhaps I can. It doesn’t hurt to try. I’ll have my own quiet time. I find God’s word most reliable above all. Yet, I struggle with believing. I’m glad my dad is a great listener and encourager. Praise God for the wisdom given to me through him.

I’ve decided to take the counselor’s advice. My heart says… find out what God says about relationships. What does God say about loving yourself? How do I balance loving myself and caring for others? Aaand search on google how to deal with outbursts. Pray on what I’ve learned. Meditate on it. Then rest and enjoy the present moments, knowing that God has answered my prayers and he will guide me with everything under the sun.

If your mind is clouded and anxious, what do you do to deal with it? Feel free to share!

Situations that cause my anxiety right now

• School work that I cant finish in the day
• Too many questions asked, tasks i'm asked to do while i'm busy trying to accomplish my school works
• Too much tasks to do that I cant enjoy studying
• Not being able to focus on my studying and enjoy it because of stress
• Not learning anything because of tasks I want to get done quickly
• Other people na minamadali ako
• The evenings that mean "it's the end of the day". And I havent gotten anything completely done. 

I brought all that to the Lord (as per guided meditation on youtube), and I was healed. Specifically in the part where the speaker said “when we embrace our anxiety instead of running from it, we grow closer to understanding the assurance that God came to set the captives free.” I cried from both repentance and joy.

I have God, my present help, and I can put my full trust and faith in him! Thank you Lord! And in that moment, I experienced his great faithfulness, love and grace. I’ve always been experiencing it but it was at that moment that I realized it, that it was magnified, that Philippians 4:6-9 was brought to life. God worked through his word, through my prayer. And he led me to pray what Jay had requested me to pray. I even prayed for more people than I would usually pray for everyday (which is, honestly, not so many).

As I came to God in prayer, I had joy. I realized… God wanted me to pray because he so wants to give, he wants to pour out his blessings and answer our prayers for his name’s same. To give us true joy and gifts and blessing is his glory! Wow… and I had been missing out on this because I limited God to religion and good works, to an obligation. But God is love. God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him. Praise the Lord! He is present. He is with me.

No struggle, no worry, no failure is worth the anxiety and stress, because my God overcame them all. I am with Him and He with me. There is no true failure in the Lord, as long as I follow him.

I do not usually listen to Meditation videos, but tonight was different. I guess, embracing anxiety and accepting it for what it is, is what drove me to seek help- and to find that there is present help available. One that has the power to heal and grant peace…Jesus Christ. Thanks Lord Sobrang bait niyo po.

Set Backs || Dental Student Log

Feb 21, 2020 Friday [11:20PM]

Photo by Sofia Garza on Pexels.com

Today, I realized that my study cast isnt with me. I had planned to do my wax pattern to have it checked tomorrow, but it seems that my plans have to be moved… again.

This wasnt my only set back. There are many more. Often times, I would get insecure. It’s my forgetfulness again. I’m so stupid. How long will I keep making mistakes? When will I get the hang of this?

With the great chance and opportunities for mistakes to happen as a Dental student it can get traumatizing. Like the time I lost my green badge (a pass you need to do your duty in the clinic), the time I spent 6 hours restoring one tooth, the time I had an 8 hour penalty duty for having 2 badges and another 4 hour duty for leaving my trolley in line, and many more I’d rather not mention (but you could send me an email if you want more stories).

Last friday, I had two extractions discredited simply because my instructor asked for forceps #69 when I only knew 65 for upper root fragments. “NO CREDIT” she yelled in frustration.

At times like these, you have to hold back the tears of humiliation and exhaustion. I smiled at my patient, reassured her then apologized to Doc, though I really wanted to explain myself, I held back the urge and lay my head low.

At times like these, it’s so easy to pity yourself and remember all your mistakes, all the things you could’ve done but just simply didnt think of. Does that make me narrow minded? Does that make me stupid?

But as I held back the tears… I had to think positive to accompany my struggle. If not, then I would’ve cried a river. As I held back longer, I realized, huh, its not so bad.

I did learn something today, havent I? In fact, I’ve learned a lot! Doc had taught some techniques. Not only that, but my patient was very kind to me, as well as my instructor who yelled- but her frustration was only for the moment- she held no grudges. Which I am grateful for. And that same day, my best friend was able to accomplish a hard case of extraction. And how could I sulk when I have a friend who constantly reminds me of God’s grace and prays for me?

When setbacks happen, it’s not the time to sulk. Life is far too short, far too valuable to cry in self-pity. It’s the time to praise God- because everything He allows to happen, if you love and follow him, He will make it for your good (and that includes “set backs”). It’s the time to cheer for a friend when they succeed. It’s the time to pour your heart out to God and then rise up in confidence.

After a few more hours of holding back the tears, I looked up to the sky and finally let them flow. I sat under the stars and cried out to God for half an hour or so. I poured out my exhaustion, my frustration, my insecurities… everything. And then I praised him for he never left me. He was and is always faithful. He gave me the strength to stand in situations that could make me stumble.

Then I stood up tall and walked back to my dorm. Still a bit sad, but determined to walk in faith, and move forward.

Set backs? God turns into a setup. That setback is the beginning of faith. It is the establishment of inner strength and confidence. With God, we can only get better. Don’t be discouraged, friend.

We’ve got a big God!

Little stresses || Journal peak

Thurs, June 28, 2018 [11:45PM]

Stressed but not depressed.

• New singing group (Ate Pat, Kuya Norris, Erika) for a special number at freshman orientation
• Singing practice > got home late > got sick
• Nasira yung handpiece ko – and I still had a tooth prep to finish that very day.
• My school shoes broke too
• Di pa ako nagaaral sa quiz
• Exhausted

Pero inayos naman ni Kuya Fredo yung handpiece, I had extra shoes, and apparently, di daw natuloy yung quiz and nahabol ko pa yung isang class namin. Wew!

I’m really tired but hallelujah anyway! It’s a struggle. Kahit papaano, I enjoyed today. Thank you Lord.

baliw lang. || Rain & GO!spel

An excerpt from le diary.

09/12/17 Manila

Playful by Manu Ignacius

Classes were suspended today due to a bagyo (“storm”). It was early in the morning, I felt the wind seep through our dorm window (so it must be very strong, cause our window didn’t open to the outdoors but to the halls.) Excited, I went out to the hallway and enjoyed the blow of the wind. “HALLELUJAH!” I shouted- parang baliw (crazy) lang hahaha I felt so happy!

Immediately I took my umbrella and went outside to watch the rain pour. It was beautiful! I was grinning like a fool. Turns out I had a friend who needed to go out but had no umbrella so I helped her ’til she reached the other side. I felt compelled to shower in the rain and help other people who might be in need. Well, in case you didn’t know, that’s kind of crazy. And I didn’t want to look crazy… alone. I checked Facebook and spotted my good friend Tin with the bright green circle- BINGO! So I messaged her:

 

“Tin! Ligo tayo sa ulan pls! Magdala ka ng payong para tulungan natin yung ibang tao. (let’s shower in the rain! Bring your umbrella so we could help other people.)”

Like I said, baliw lang. She knocked on my door and I was ready, wearing my black  t-short and denim shorts. I asked her kung tuloy ba, she looked at me for awhile then said “no.” and went back to her room. Even my other friend rejected my request saying “asa ka” which made me sad cause I was really excited. Like, paiyak na ako nun! Might as well study then (but I knew I wouldn’t be able to focus now that my heart is broken. char!)

So I prayed because I felt disappointed. I really wanted to enjoy God by reaching out to people- in the rain. Then someone knocked on the door… it was Tin! All dressed-up and ready to go! I squealed like a whale!

When we went out, the rain died down a bit and only a few people were outside. Nope! That won’t let me down haha so I prayed for opportunities. Tin & I talked about sharing the gospel and friends and a lot of other random things, and then set out to buy ice cream. Papasok na kami sa 7/11 when an old man, probably in his 40’s or 50’s, told us to leave our umbrellas outside and that he’d watch over it. He held several coco-cola cups (for money) and had a staff in his other hand. He had brown skin, black-greyish hair and a white beard.

While Tin and I ate our chips (there wasn’t any ice cream), Tin told me to give the man some change for watching over our umbrella. I didn’t like giving money to beggars. As much as possible, I avoided doing so because it only encourages them to beg more. But he wasn’t really begging, was he? I don’t know! Anyway, I relented. Then this idea popped up. Why not share the gospel to him? Tin and I asked the crew workers (of 7/11) for a piece of paper and a ball pen.

We ended up writing the gospel on a receipt. That’s alright! God could use even the littlest of things for his good works 😉

“Kahit itapon man niya ito… (even if he throws this away)” I told myself “God is reaching out to him.”

We gave him some change and handed him the gospel-receipt. “Mahal ka ni Hesus.” I said to which he smiled and thanked us.

Tin looked back “Binabasa niya! (He’s reading it!)” Well, praise God! Then the rain started pouring again. So Tin and I took a nice long walk under the rain, umbrella in hand. Parang baliw lang. Yeap, baliw na baliw for the Lord. Man, was it cold tho.

If you had the awesome opportunity to enjoy God and share of His awesomeness, would you do it- no matter how crazy? I dare you to move.

 

 

CEU || Pre-Dent: Injections

Part of our curriculum in dentistry is primary health care (PHC.) In that subject you’d get to learn about the very basic information you need to know about your health, hygiene and how to manage it. It promotes independence and initiative to care for your own needs and the needs of others.

Moving on, sorry. Under that subject we were required to perform injections. That excited me a hella lot ’cause that was probably the only closest medical-related thing I got to study and apply. Aside from all the coloring (botany, zoology and anatomy days… minsan magkakaroon ka na nalang ng “hand fatigue” sa kaka-kulay,) drawing, sticking those annoying Drosophila melanogaster on your journal, etc. This one was more “Doctor-like.” Kaya na-excite talaga ako!

I bought sterilized water, a few needles, a pack of cotton balls and a handy dandy alcohol. I was so prepared. The only thing I lacked was a ‘hooman’ to practice on. I asked my Ninang (na dentist) to do the intra-dermal injection on my forearm so that I would know what to do and experience what my partner would feel before-hand. BESHY ANG SAKIT! I was so chill and ready like, “Go lang Nang!” tapos nung papasok na ang sterile water- mapapa-OMG ka nalang. Hindi ko na tinuloy yung intra-muscular. Natakot na ako. (But I forgot the pain and allowed a friend to practice on me.) I don’t know what hurts more. Perhaps the intra-muscular lasts longer, like someone punched you real hard on your upper arm. Then the intra-dermal had this quick stingy sensation, kind of like a pinch of a crab (though I’ve never been pinched by a crab- you could imagine it though.) It’s tolerable. And it feels good when you’re done. No, I ain’t masochist. You just feel… stronger. Like you’ve overcome a big giant or something. Fun.

I was still looking for someone to practice on. But since everybody seemed so busy- and my other classmates already got a ton of needles on their arms- I decided to inject (intra-dermal) myself. Was it malpractice? Well, nothing bad happened. And it was a success. Would I make a bad Doctor? Was it stupid of me? (my thoughts.) BUT it was a success. I was pretty proud of myself back there haha!

When I finally found a friend to practice on I just poked her upper arm with the needle ’cause I freaked out. She let me have a go the second time (thank you, Shayne!) Even though I was slightly calm after, my hands still shook. So I did it again, without changing the needle (my bad)- and I was able to get the sterile water in her Deltoid muscle BUT I forgot to aspirate the plunger (to check if I hit a vein.) My bad. It happened yet again on another friend. But worst! I opened the cap of the needle incorrectly and ended up puncturing my finger THEN, oh gosh forgive me people, I used the very same needle (I WAS NERVOUS) on my friend- sorry Merangel! Don’t worry, nothing bad happened to her. She’s fine and jolly as ever. That incident did make me more alert the next time. Better learn from mistakes now before it’s too late (positive thinking.)

In the end, I got a perfect score in my return demonstration and so did my partner! All praises to God ^^

Special shout out to those who let me puncture a needle in ‘thee skin. Some brave butted people:
– Shayney Poo Bear!
– Merangue
– Tonsillitis boy
– My pretty partner: Shai (2x) Tinapay!

So Why Dentistry?

Reading this post gave me mixed feelings about Dentistry. Leaning more towards the doubtful side. Before I came to take this course, I never really thought of… teeth and payed no special attention to it. I viewed it as something more superficial. I never thought it had such great importance to one’s confidence, lifestyle and comfort. Reading her enthusiasm and great desire made me doubt if this is the route for me. I mean, I could relate. In some ways, the reasons she took Dentistry has grown to become the reason I took mine. But I caught myself explaining this to people with uncertainty.

Don’t get me wrong, I am enjoying my studies- nothing super hard has come up anyway. I enjoy what I’m doing. I really hope and pray I’d learn to love Dentistry, and perhaps, if it isn’t the course for me- that there’d be a huge, quick sign telling me so!

Anyway, I’m holding on and looking forward to what God has in store. Living for Him. That’s what matters most.
– Dan.

Eat Pray Learn

I thought I’d take a break from my usual food-related post and talk a little bit about my academic ambitions and why I’m actually going to school.  As much as I love food, cooking, fitness and nutrition, these are simply my hobbies.  People often ask me why I don’t just become a chef and open up a restaurant or something along those lines.  My answer is that I believe God has called me to use my unique talents, strengths, and aptitudes for something different that will impact peoples’ lives in a powerful way.

I’ve always pushed myself in my studies ever since I stepped foot in a classroom.  School is my thing.  I’ll admit I’m a bit of a perfectionist, but I strive to harness that competitive energy by letting it fuel my passion for excellence.  God has guided me every step of my journey and opened so many doors…

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