i’m tired of myself. a poem.

Friday, February 12, 2021 11:22 AM

I’m tired of myself (always blaming others).
I’m tired of myself (always so easily upset).
I’m tired ’cause it takes time for me to cool down,
and I hurt others in the process.
I’m tired of wanting the world to revolve around me,
to give me space, to give me time, to excuse my attitude.
All these things I seek: justice, understanding, patience.
But these things I can never really have
in the package I want them to come in;
Unflawed and perfect, just the way I like it.
and these things I could never really give
Unflawed and perfect, as I had imagined.

And so God molds me with a chisel and mallet
on my clay body that has hardened,
on my delicate heart that longs to be callous.
and it hurts to be hammered, even gently.
Yet I seek Him still
’cause if I stayed this way
I’ll never learn to forgive,
I’ll never learn to let go,
I’ll never learn to give
the things I seek out the most;
I’ll never learn to be meek
when I long to defend my own selfish pride.
I’ll never learn to understand
the anger and emotions when love was implied.

And as I hold on to my bouquet of reasons
Picking up dying flowers of upset feelings
God I look to you to mold me new hands
That is willing to let go;
A new heart that is ready to forgive,
A new mind, obliged to understand;
New ears inclined to listen
And new eyes, fixed on You, my loving Creator.

Help me love the girl in the mirror,
despite her mistakes and corrupted nature,
she’s still the work of your hands,
a part of your creation.

-Mary Dannelle