Plain Thoughts || PROM: A Night to Remember?

Wrote this on 2014, after my first (junior) prom. I was this extremely awkward teenager who avoided any social contact with boys as much as possible. Enjoy the memoirs of my prom experience PLUS feelings- no exaggerations.

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Imagine entering a place filled with ‘luxurious’ strangers who turned out to be your schoolmates and as you go inside, you’re suddenly part of the crowd… yet you aren’t. (In other words, I felt out of place.)

I looked around feeling nervous and self-conscious, all the excitement I felt awhile ago turned to anxiousness. Is this real life? Everything went about so quickly I couldn’t even think. Prom for me was like quick sand. You enter it and suddenly you’re part of it, but you’re not exactly part of it- you aren’t sand. (You’re the poor creature stuck in it! Sinking and wallowed by social regulations and the scary crowd.) As I spotted my friends I expected to be more calm and less worried about things, it worked I guess, it’s good to know that you’re not the only one feeling nervous; but that fact that I was surrounded by boys… was just scary. And you had to dance with them!

A lot happened but none of that really mattered. Just the music, my friends, and the next move. The first guy that asked me to dance was my senior partner. I was so nervous I kind of rejected him (pfft! I rejected him with silence. Period. I was that scared.) Then he asked again and I was actually about to dance with him; but my friends called out for me to sing with them. I was relieved. But as I recall the moment, I regret doing so. (Poor dude. At the dance practice, he was so kind to me and accepted the presence of my awkwardness. Uggh, and this was how I repaid him.)

So I sang, danced with a group of friends and two guys, one of which confessed to me (to which I responded with an awkward laugh and an awkward punch on the shoulder,) and the other who asked me these random questions about where I lived in the Philippines and what my bus number was. My cheeks hurt from smiling though all I really wanted to do was go home. I felt lost from the first time I came until it was time to go home start. In the end I saw the first guy who asked me to dance, sitting alone… thinking. I guess prom was definitely a night to remember. It just really depends on how you’ve spent it and whom you’ve spent it with.

… and I wasted every moment! I find this hilarious though and yet I still shudder just thinking about it. I’ve changed a lot and learned a ton about “communicating.” I ignore my desire to be aloof and try to enjoy this scary world which requires you to talk to scary people.  Okay. Perspective. Weirdly beautiful, scary world with oddly awesome, scary people.

My senior partner was the first guy I actually had to talk to in highschool. And he was very very friendly and kind to me. Despite my snobbish replies and half-hearted smiles, he still made every effort to talk to me. I regret not being able to show how grateful I am now for his “contribution” to my life. Haha! Thank you Friday! You know who you are.

Boys are no longer scary. But my dad still refuses to speak about them. Not yet ready hahaha! Love you dad. I’ll still be your little princess 😉

By the way, the pictures posted were taken from my senior year prom. Not as scary as my junior prom, in fact, it was quite fun! There are still moments which make me cringe when I recall it, but it’s been the awesome so far. Since it was the last, I decided to muster up the courage to let loose and enjoy- which is something I should’ve done a long time ago.

A glitter of advice, take every opportunity and let yourself bloom. Don’t wait until you leave the country to change your identity. Be the change you want to see. Do something.

God speed!

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CEU || Pre-Dent: Injections

Part of our curriculum in dentistry is primary health care (PHC.) In that subject you’d get to learn about the very basic information you need to know about your health, hygiene and how to manage it. It promotes independence and initiative to care for your own needs and the needs of others.

Moving on, sorry. Under that subject we were required to perform injections. That excited me a hella lot ’cause that was probably the only closest medical-related thing I got to study and apply. Aside from all the coloring (botany, zoology and anatomy days… minsan magkakaroon ka na nalang ng “hand fatigue” sa kaka-kulay,) drawing, sticking those annoying Drosophila melanogaster on your journal, etc. This one was more “Doctor-like.” Kaya na-excite talaga ako.

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I bought sterilized water, a few needles, a pack of cotton balls and a handy dandy alcohol. I was so prepared. The only thing I lacked was a ‘hooman’ to practice on. I asked my Ninang (na dentist) to do the intra-dermal injection on my forearm so that I would know what to do and experience what my partner would feel before-hand. BESHY ANG SAKIT! I was so chill and ready like, “Go lang Nang!” tapos nung papasok na ang sterile water- mapapa-OMG ka nalang. Hindi ko na tinuloy yung intra-muscular. Natakot na ako. (But I forgot the pain and allowed a friend to practice on me.) I don’t know what hurts more. Perhaps the intra-muscular lasts longer, like someone punched you real hard on your upper arm. Then the intra-dermal had this quick stingy sensation, kind of like a pinch of a crab (though I’ve never been pinched by a crab- you could imagine it though.) It’s tolerable. And it feels good when you’re done. No, I ain’t masochist. You just feel… stronger. Like you’ve overcome a big giant or something. Fun.

I was still looking for someone to practice on. But since everybody seemed so busy- and my other classmates already got a ton of needles on their arms- I decided to inject (intra-dermal) myself. Was it malpractice? Well, nothing bad happened. And it was a success. Would I make a bad Doctor? Was it stupid of me? (my thoughts.) BUT it was a success. I was pretty proud of myself back there haha!

Image result for injection intramuscular  cartoonWhen I finally found a friend to practice on I just poked her upper arm with the needle ’cause I freaked out. She let me have a go the second time (thank you, Shayne!) Even though I was slightly calm after, my hands still shook. So I did it again, without changing the needle (my bad)- and I was able to get the sterile water in her Deltoid muscle BUT I forgot to aspirate the plunger (to check if I hit a vein.) My bad. It happened yet again on another friend. But worst! I opened the cap of the needle incorrectly and ended up puncturing my finger THEN, oh gosh forgive me people, I used the very same needle (I WAS NERVOUS) on my friend- sorry Merangel! Don’t worry, nothing bad happened to her. She’s fine and jolly as ever. That incident did make me more alert the next time. Better learn from mistakes now before it’s too late (positive thinking.)

In the end, I got a perfect score in my return demonstration and so did my partner! All praises to God ^^

Special shout out to those who let me puncture a needle in ‘thee skin. Some brave butted people:
– Shayney Poo Bear!
– Merangue
– Tonsillitis boy
– My pretty partner: Shai (2x) Tinapay!

Picture credits:
Wiki How to Give an Intramuscular Injection

Mommy, Gab & Special Mamon

i WOKE UP- oops! Still on caps lock. He.He. Anyway, I woke up early in the morning reaaally craving that special mamon I bought in the Philippines as a pasalubong. 20 good darn pieces. There was already one out of the box. So I grabbed it. Yum! So fluffy and sweet! Gab didn’t like the filling, which wasn’t really a filling ’cause it was just the cheese on top she didn’t like.

“I don’t like the filling,” she said, scrunching her nose “so I only ate two bites!”

My eyes landed on her on her half-eaten mamon. And by half, I mean there’s only 1/8 left! I was suddenly reminded of something. I found myself looking at mom and I squinted my eyes in suspicion. I touched the cover of the mamon box, subconsciously holding my breath for what I’m about to see. Somehow, deep inside, I knew. This is it. I threw it open and I saw…

emptiness.

Kidding! I was just exaggerating. Out of 20 pieces, I counted fifteen. I ate one, Gab ate one… and 15 pieces left!

“MAAAAA!”

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I do not own this picture

“Ano nak?” mom yelled from the kitchen. When she saw what it was I called her for, her lips curved into a sheepish smile followed by her famous laugh (her very beautiful, full, boisterous laugh)

“How many did you eat?” I demanded

“Binaon ko pa si daddy niyaan!” she said in a defensive way.

I looked at the empty space where there should’ve been five pretty mamon.

“How many did you give to dad?”

… a short pause.

“one.”

I ended up scolding my mom for eating too much- well, she only ate two which isn’t that much. Excluding the ice cream and pasteillas. -_- Love you Mami ko! We have far too many sweets in the house. Which must explain why my fam so cuddly ❤

So Why Dentistry?

Reading this post gave me mixed feelings about Dentistry. Leaning more towards the doubtful side. Before I came to take this course, I never really thought of… teeth and payed no special attention to it. I viewed it as something more superficial. I never thought it had such great importance to one’s confidence, lifestyle and comfort. Reading her enthusiasm and great desire made me doubt if this is the route for me. I mean, I could relate. In some ways, the reasons she took Dentistry has grown to become the reason I took mine. But I caught myself explaining this to people with uncertainty.

Don’t get me wrong, I am enjoying my studies- nothing super hard has come up anyway. I enjoy what I’m doing. I really hope and pray I’d learn to love Dentistry, and perhaps, if it isn’t the course for me- that there’d be a huge, quick sign telling me so!

Anyway, I’m holding on and looking forward to what God has in store. Living for Him. That’s what matters most.
– Dan.

Eat Pray Learn

I thought I’d take a break from my usual food-related post and talk a little bit about my academic ambitions and why I’m actually going to school.  As much as I love food, cooking, fitness and nutrition, these are simply my hobbies.  People often ask me why I don’t just become a chef and open up a restaurant or something along those lines.  My answer is that I believe God has called me to use my unique talents, strengths, and aptitudes for something different that will impact peoples’ lives in a powerful way.

I’ve always pushed myself in my studies ever since I stepped foot in a classroom.  School is my thing.  I’ll admit I’m a bit of a perfectionist, but I strive to harness that competitive energy by letting it fuel my passion for excellence.  God has guided me every step of my journey and opened so many doors…

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Friendships: BEAR with me

I have concluded that friendships people are complicated. Guilty as charged. Hahaha! I ranted on friendships in a personal blog and here’s a sneak of my drama:

“At the moment, I hate it. It’s tempting to stay out of it and live life on your own. But it is also inevitable. It is something to be kept and nurtured. It’s not something you drop all of a sudden simply because you’re tired of it or you were hurt or disappointed. It takes communication and understanding. It takes a great ton of humility (no matter how right you think you are) and a lot of perseverance. You shouldn’t leave people hanging whether they mean something to you or not.”

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I do not own this photo

I’ve learned a lot about relationships nowadays, this year, it’s relationship with friends. Never have I ever been in a serious fight with my friends- kahit best friend. And never ako naging part ng group. I was always the lone type, hanging around with certain people but never really lasting in a clique. If I ever did join a group of friends, lagi akong neutral. Never too close, never too distant. Pretty much like the leech in the gang, feeding on their delicious company but an outcast nevertheless. (Yes, read this with a tone of self-pity).

But now that I regularly go out with this special group, I’ve experienced a constant relation between a ton of fun and a ton of drama. Directly proportional yan, Bes. You can’t have fun and expect to have no drama trailing along with it. I had to balance between being myself and respecting the person’s personality/attitude. Oo, lahat kayo mag-aadjust para sa isa’t isa. If there’s something you don’t like about the other, you tell them. Kung ganun talaga sila, ikaw mag-adjust. Unless, sobrang toxic na yung relationship niyo, that’s when you break it off. But not without proper communication and understanding.

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“Bear with me” (I do not own this photo)

That’s why I entitled this post (notice the pun) “Friendships: BEAR with me” because whether we like it or not, nobody’s perfect. No matter how close you are to a person, they are bound to disappoint you. There is no “perfect” friend. It is your duty to bear with each other. Endure. Persevere. Hold on. Yes, it’s hard. It hurts. But bruh, you’re bound to miss that person no matter what stupidity they’ve done! haha

Let me tell you this, there’s a God out there and He wants to be your friend.

It’s a different story for everyone. I have my own, you have yours. Who am I to judge? But let me tell you this, there’s a God out there and He wants to be your friend. You might be a bit distant from him and who am I to blame you? I mean, He is God. A superior, perfect and holy being. Who are we to be called friend- even CHILD of God? But God became flesh. He became human. He reached out to us, lived, breathe, laughed and cried like we did. Remember when Jesus knew he was about to be betrayed by his close friend, Judas? He was so troubled that he asked his three disciples to stay awake and pray with him. But what did they do? They slept. And in the following chapters, Peter, disowned Jesus three times. Jesus’ best friend rejected him. You would think Jesus was disappointed. But what he said to his disciples will surprise you:

“… The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” (Matt. 26:41) He understood their weakness. And yet again, they fell asleep. Saklap! But what did Jesus do? He died for them. He died for us. Grabe, tapos hindi ka lalapit kay Lord? Sinasabi mo na hindi ka karapat-dapat humarap kay God kasi ang dami mo nang ginawa na kasalanan. Oo, totoo yan. We’ve messed up BIG TIME. Hindi sapat ang pagiging “good” natin. But don’t you think that His death and resurrection was enough? What he did for all of us, is so that we will no longer be bound to sin and connect to God once more. But we distance ourselves from him. Whenever certain people disappoint us, whenever things don’t go our way, we blame our Father. 

God wants you to be close to him. He’s always there. He’s reaching out to you. Maybe you feel unworthy or perhaps, you think you’ve got it all under control. But one thing’s for sure, He loves us and he wants us to rely on Him. He’s that one friend who’s ready to bear with you.

Grace and peace. L.O.L ❤
-DAN.

Manhid Daw Ako

Manhid daw ako. Oblivious. Dense. Not in romantic terms (akala niyo ah!), but to problems, situations and to sudden change of mood. All of a sudden, may problema na pala yung isa kong kaibigan and I never knew. I always thought that I was the sensitive type, noticing people’s struggles and their discomfort. Turns out, sensitive lang pala ako, hindi attentive. Or probably, in different circumstances, I do notice certain “stuffs” but choose not to acknowledge it. What S. called “ignorance” and what my other friends call “happy-go-lucky.”

I don’t know what to think about this newly found revelation of my dense-ity-ness, perhaps I need to take this positively and challenge myself to be more attentive to other people’s feelings.

I tried reasoning with S. about my (now supposedly nonexistent) instinct to notice others anxiety, discomfort and emotions. She thinks otherwise. So, she may be true. Part of me begs to disagree, but maybe that’s just my pride saying I’m far too good to be ignorant.

GAH! I find this so offensive haha! Who wouldn’t? Well, I’ve got to lower my pride. One of the MANY things I need to improve aside from my insecurities, lack of focus (AKA lutang-ness), atbp. Just thinking about it makes me anxious. The pressure to improve. There’s so much to improve, I don’t know where to start! I want to develop my intellect- cause unfortunately, I’m quite slow. And now, I realized that I’m kind of insensitive. Plus the fact that I’m starting to sound insecure now. I need to work on that too. I mean, as a Christian, you need to have FAITH which is the confidence in the hope that you have in Jesus. Paano nila makikita yun kapag ikaw mismo, insecure sa sarili? Yes, I’m lecturing myself now. This is one of the perks of being a follower of Christ: you’ll start to develop a mind like His. (1 Cor. 2:16) It depends on you whether you will follow your conscience or take the other route. Knowing is easy, acting it out is another story.

Message to Self: You know what? calm down, Self. Ayan ka nanaman eh. Kaya ka naman nape-pressure dahil nagre-rely ka lang sa sarili mo. Take a deep breath, take your time and rely on God. You’ll just end up frustrated if you don’t. You’re trying too hard. Surrender mo yan kay Lord and trust that He will finish what he started in you.

Dedicated: To all who struggles with the same anxious thoughts as I do and to those who are simply curious of what’s going on inside my silly head. I hope you’ve learnt something, somehow.

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Reading this post again and again makes me want to laugh at how worrisome I could get (I hope you found it amusing- not annoying), especially about “what the hay could be wrong with me?” 

Anyway, I was searching for some pictures related to ‘being oblivious’ so I could post it here. Nakakatamad kasi basahin ang isang post na walang picture, kaya. So I passed by this one (link to post.) It kind of reminded me of myself. Though in many ways, contradicting. Let me explain. I notice a lot of my own problems and I like involving myself in other people’s problems- cause I want to help. But then again, I purposefully make myself OBLIVIOUS or unaware to certain negative things to keep my emotions at bay. Perhaps that is why I seem so jolly to other people. Happy-go-lucky. Carefree. Because I intentionally avoid drama. I don’t know if I’d have it any other way. I like it when I’m hyper and cheerful. But I guess, I shouldn’t try to let that get in the way of being a caring friend.

Magulo ako. Alam ko. Hahaha sana maka-relate naman yung iba dyan! This is me in the making. Thank you for your effort in reading this lengthy post.

L.O.L (Lots of love),
Dan.