Wrote this on 2014, after my first (junior) prom. I was this extremely awkward teenager who avoided any social contact with boys as much as possible. Enjoy the memoirs of my prom experience PLUS feelings- no exaggerations.
Imagine entering a place filled with ‘luxurious’ strangers who turned out to be your schoolmates and as you go inside, you’re suddenly part of the crowd… yet you aren’t. (In other words, I felt out of place.)
I looked around feeling nervous and self-conscious, all the excitement I felt awhile ago turned to anxiousness. Is this real life? Everything went about so quickly I couldn’t even think. Prom for me was like quick sand. You enter it and suddenly you’re part of it, but you’re not exactly part of it- you aren’t sand. (You’re the poor creature stuck in it! Sinking and wallowed by social regulations and the scary crowd.) As I spotted my friends I expected to be more calm and less worried about things, it worked I guess, it’s good to know that you’re not the only one feeling nervous; but that fact that I was surrounded by boys… was just scary. And you had to dance with them!
A lot happened but none of that really mattered. Just the music, my friends, and the next move. The first guy that asked me to dance was my senior partner. I was so nervous I kind of rejected him (pfft! I rejected him with silence. Period. I was that scared.) Then he asked again and I was actually about to dance with him; but my friends called out for me to sing with them. I was relieved. But as I recall the moment, I regret doing so. (Poor dude. At the dance practice, he was so kind to me and accepted the presence of my awkwardness. Uggh, and this was how I repaid him.)
So I sang, danced with a group of friends and two guys, one of which confessed to me (to which I responded with an awkward laugh and an awkward punch on the shoulder,) and the other who asked me these random questions about where I lived in the Philippines and what my bus number was. My cheeks hurt from smiling though all I really wanted to do was go home. I felt lost from the first time I came until it was time to go home start. In the end I saw the first guy who asked me to dance, sitting alone… thinking. I guess prom was definitely a night to remember. It just really depends on how you’ve spent it and whom you’ve spent it with.
… and I wasted every moment! I find this hilarious though and yet I still shudder just thinking about it. I’ve changed a lot and learned a ton about “communicating.” I ignore my desire to be aloof and try to enjoy this scary world which requires you to talk to scary people. Okay. Perspective. Weirdly beautiful, scary world with oddly awesome, scary people.
My senior partner was the first guy I actually had to talk to in highschool. And he was very very friendly and kind to me. Despite my snobbish replies and half-hearted smiles, he still made every effort to talk to me. I regret not being able to show how grateful I am now for his “contribution” to my life. Haha! Thank you Friday! You know who you are.
Boys are no longer scary. But my dad still refuses to speak about them. Not yet ready hahaha! Love you dad. I’ll still be your little princess 😉
By the way, the pictures posted were taken from my senior year prom. Not as scary as my junior prom, in fact, it was quite fun! There are still moments which make me cringe when I recall it, but it’s been the awesome so far. Since it was the last, I decided to muster up the courage to let loose and enjoy- which is something I should’ve done a long time ago.
A glitter of advice, take every opportunity and let yourself bloom. Don’t wait until you leave the country to change your identity. Be the change you want to see. Do something.
God speed!
