Last week was our Bible study’s first monthsary! Praise God! I had the honors of sharing the word that day. But before that, I had to go through the burden of my anxious heart. Our midterm exams were being held on that very week and unfortunately for me, almost all our teachers forced to squish their subjects in a day. Talk about a tight schedule.
I told myself not to worry, I still had a week to prepare for the Bible study. “And you have just four days to study for your exams. Good luck with that.” my conscience retorted. Thank you for the support *eye roll* but even so, I placed my trust in God, reciting Philippians 4:13 in my head.
Surely enough, as I was reading my devotional that night, I felt a pang in my chest that this was the message I was to impart. Joy, awe and worry filled my little heart. I said to God, “Wow, that was quick! Thanks Lord!” and at the same time I thought “But how am I to deliver this message? This needs a lot of studying” Time.. time. Precious time. I barely had time to even study for my exams! At this point, I was panicking inside. My heart felt worried but my mind told me to have faith. God’s got it all covered. So I let it go. But deep in my heart, I still held onto a teeny weeny bit of doubt.
Without much time left in my hands, I tried my best to manage it, being careful that I do things by the grace that God has given me and not by my own strength. I had to keep in mind that everything I did was for the Lord, and not for myself nor for anybody else. I wanted to be sure that I took the time to wait and listen well for God’s instructions, that I wouldn’t hurry everything up.
No matter how much I studied, there was always this thug in my heart telling me that I had to pray. Knowing that this feeling wouldn’t go away if I continued to ignore it, I prayed very fervently to God. I prayed that God would remove the burden in my heart and replace it with desire and passion to share His word. I also prayed that all my fears would go away, and that He’d guide and lead the things me. God reassured me with through His word and His promise that His holy spirit would speak through me (Matt. 10:20)
Four days had passed and it was time to take the exams. I don’t mean to boast, but everything was breezy! I answered the test papers with ease by the grace of God, my brothas! With that done, the Lord strengthened my faith. I finalized the message I was to impart, prayed and off I went to the Bible study with the feeling excitement and anxiousness (still) in my heart.
As I spoke, my voice and hands shook, and I was stuttering the words out- but one thing is certain… everything that came out of my mouth was from God. I couldn’t have said all those things much less speak.. But God had prepared me for this and He certainly fulfilled His promise. God removed the perfectionist in me and I spoke with passion.
Glory be to God!
Lotsa love! ❤
Mary for Christ 